A Journey of Faith: Beginning with Hope

Beginning with Hope

“He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!”

Psalm 113:9 ESV

I read this scripture over and over while I struggled with infertility.  I wondered what my home would consist of and who my children would be.  Would they be my own children from my own womb?  Would they be children that God engrafted into our line?  At that point I didn’t know.  I only knew that I longed for children.  You can read more of that story here.

Then almost seven years into our marriage, I gave birth to our first! Within eight years more, we would have four children.  And I would desperately seek to know HOW to be a good mother and to train them in wisdom. From scriptures to books to wise women and men God placed in my path along the way, I would gain such gems that I never could have come up with on my own.  I also daily refer to the first chapter of James and remind God that I lack wisdom and that I’m asking.  I ask on each of their behalves. I ask because I do not know.

But one thing I DO know.  I would find out just a couple of years ago that it should have been impossible for me to have children or to feed them…but with God?  Well, HE makes the impossible, possible. So if God saw that I should have children, He would give me and my Chris everything we need to raise them.

You see, God’s provision is not always about finances or food.  Sometimes, His loaves and fishes look a lot like my children. As my friend Michelle reminded me, God’s provision, His enough, His name even–Jehovah Jireh–all point back to Him!  That God Himself will be seen.  When Jesus divided the young boy’s lunch and fed thousands, God was SEEN. So I have stopped praying for His provision.  I have prayed only that He may be seen.  As I unfold this story before you, friends, I pray that God will be not only SEEN, but known by His act of bending low to feed each of us.

Our Four "Impossibles"I began with hope for children.  I sowed that hope deep in prayer.  I watered that hope with my own tears.  He brought forth FOUR of our own. We do not take God’s SEEN-NESS lightly. Daily, we seek to teach them more and more of the character of our GREAT GOD.

…the God who LOVES.

…the God who LIVES.

…the GOD who DOES the impossible.

…the GOD who seeks to engraft us ALL into His Story.

I will write more of this story on Friday…I daresay it will take a few posts to get it all in. Stay tuned, ’cause you do not want to miss the WONDER of our BIG GOD!

This story is a continuation of Michelle’s story that she shares here and here…a story about how our painting came to be and why.

With eyes wide-open in amazement,

Holly winter2012

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A Journey of Faith | The Lord’s Provision & Trusting God

The-Lords-Provision

This is a journey story–in a few parts!  It began a year and a half ago with my friend, Michelle.  Having reached the end of bankruptcy, Chris and I (Holly) felt that God was showing us that the time had come for us to walk with our heads up–no shame–for a new season was upon us.  And OH, the lessons we have learned about God’s provision!!  The stories would fill pages and pages.

Today Michelle Bentham shares part two of our story (You can Read Part 1 HERE).  Michelle is an inspired artist, and she has designed and painted a work of art to represent our journey (pictured below).  Here’s Michelle…

 

When we last left my story, I had just started a new position with my local church. I started this new position full of eager excitement. I rose early and allowed the work to roll around in my mind late. I LOVED my job. I even could be heard telling people how much I loved it. Then, just a few months after I began to work as an administrative assistant for the pastor I had volunteered with she called me in her office to deliver the news.


“I have something to tell you.” Angie sat across from me with an excited, animated expression.


I said, “Okay.”


“I met with Bob last week and turned in my resignation.” At first I felt like I had landed in a boxing video game where the electronic voice began to call out “Body Blow! Body Blow!” Questions raced through my head, like… What does this mean for me?


She smiled. “I know this must be a shock to you. It kind of was to me, too. But, I don’t want you to worry. We won’t know all the details until he hires the new pastor for my position, but don’t worry. You will have a job. Everyone here loves you and this doesn’t change anything for you.”


A year later I would revisit that conversation in my mind and think… Everything is so different than I expected or thought it would be. Ironically, my new oversight happened to be my second cousin. His grandfather and my mother are half-brother and sister. I also began to serve a second pastor. She had been so helpful in my healing journey and I absolutely loved her. Still the weight of the position and old life patterns began to reveal some deficiencies and I became overwhelmed, discouraged and pressed on every side.


Still, I knew my position in Pastoral Care would be a launching point for the next stage of my life. The life beyond the walls of the church in ministry and business. I had firmly heard the Lord say that I would be in a season of a preparation. It became a time of growing in my inner healing journey. I learned about the unique way I had been gifted and created to serve the body. I also became firmly rooted in my identity in Christ. And unshakable foundation needed to be laid before I could move forward into a destiny season. I found myself fully immersed in both a season of secure provision and a season of change. God wanted me to learn to trust Him completely before the season that found me painting this gift of the heart for Holly and Chris. And all of these things can be described in one word: Provision.


August 2011 found me taking my first paid vacation EVER. I anticipated the week long trip to the Vail Area of Colorado with eager desire. I knew the Lord had something for me there and I wanted to soak up every drop of it. One of the things had to do with fear. I overcame some fears to experience delightful joy in God’s nature. I also had to deal with some family stuff, and ultimately my cousin and I spent time being creative in a pottery tent in beautiful Beaver Creek Village. The little ski-village set into the side of the mountain we faced each morning over breakfast hosted a variety of artistic and scenic experiences to delight and inspire anyone with a creative notion. Beautiful bronze sculptures graced the cobblestone streets and little art galleries dotted the storefronts throughout the village.


My discontent in my position began to weigh on me as we returned home. My heart longed to jump head long into creative expression and do it full time. I sat in my kitchen, easel propped up on the table and felt a question forming in the recesses of my mind. With each brush stroke depicting the intricate beauties we’d experienced on our vacation I felt the urge grow stronger.


I finally walked to the living room where my husband sat watching television and uttered the words playing in my heart and my head. “Scott, what would it take for me to do this full time?”


He sat staring at me looking a little lost before I held up my paint brush and motioned toward the easel and canvas propped up on our kitchen table. The light of awareness narrowed his thoughts. “I don’t know.”


“This is the thing that brings life to me… And I feel it more and more, God doesn’t just want me to do things that bring life to other people, He wants me to do things that bring life to me.”


And that is where it started. In the early days of Fall a little more than a year ago, God began a stirring in my heart to the beauty of creation and the heart of creativity in His Kingdom. He launched me on my own personal renaissance. I began to paint all the time, and even sold a few. More than that I began to sow them. I gave away the works of art that stirred in my heart. I posted the paintings on Facebook and then Holly discovered my work.


She invited me into the heart of a journey she and her family walked out with God of provision and trust. I stood ready to make the commitment to the project. We agreed she would send payments as she was able. I began sketching the work and developing my ideas. All the while, I continued to paint and give away the paintings.


In February, God moved me to develop an exit plan for my job. He showed me that He wanted to birth something brand new. He also introduced me to the idea of becoming a radio show host. And, more than all of that – He wanted me to trust Him completely.


“The Lord’s Provision” is more than a work of art. It is a work of the heart. Birthed in Holly’s heart through a desire to see a representation of what the Lord had promised she and her family in their season of need. And expressed through my heart in the creative power and love of Jesus who in turn began to grow in me a deeper understanding of His provision for me, for my household and for all of His children.


Today, my financial future is no more certain than it happened to be a year ago. But, I know my Lord who is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who sees to my every need and is seen in the provision of all my needs.


The word elements of the painting include the following Scriptures:
Genesis 22:8 (NKJV)
And Abraham said, “My son, God will provide for Himself the lamb for a burnt offering.” So the two of them went together. 

The first time I experienced this Scripture in light of God as Jehovah Jireh, I felt my heart would burst at the revelation. I prayed over and over that the Lord would provide for Himself through Holly & Chris all that was needed to bring glory to Himself.



Exodus 1:21 (NKJV)
And so it was, because the midwives feared God, that He provided households for them.
As I prepared to paint this I knew the Lord wanted it to be personalized. As I prayed these are the words that came to me for the painting: “And so it was, because the Smith’s feared God, that He provided…for them.”


Judges 18:10 (NKJV)
When you go, you will come to a secure people and a large land. For God has given it into your hands, a place where there is no lack of anything that is on the earth.

There is security in the promises of God and all that He provides. It is indeed a place where there is no lack of anything that is on the earth.


1 Kings 4:27 (NKJV)
And these governors, each man in his month, provided food for King Solomon and for all who came to King Solomon’s table. There was no lack in their supply. 

The beauty in this testimony of God’s faithfulness falls fresh on me every single time I read it. The Lord provides in such a way that produces a position where there is no lack in our supply. This Scripture has been a key one I have prayed over my business since I left my position at the church in June. Can I say that Holly’s commission is one source of this provision. Gifts from family and friends is another area. And, then there is the sweet friend from social media who inquired if I owned an iPad. The answer at the time, NO. And I found myself reluctant to entertain any discussion regarding her desire to provide me one. Late one night as I anticipated the moment when we would speak by phone and she would tell me indeed she wanted to provide an iPad for my business, I inquired of the Lord. “Is this really You providing for me?”


I sensed this response in a sweet voice through my spirit. “If you are really going to do this… You better get used to it.”
I received.



Psalm 65:9 (NKJV)
You visit the earth and water it, You greatly enrich it; The river of God is full of water; You provide their grain, For so You have prepared it.
There is an abundance and satisfaction in God’s provision that surpasses anything that man can make, manufacture, earn or imagine. The Lord loves us so much, He provides everything needed for life and godliness if only we will submit ourselves to receive. Receiving requires humility and a willingness to see God in the provision, to entrust back to Him what He requires of us. Receiving sometimes means being willing to ask. Ask and you will receive… I prayed this for Chris and Holly as they were contemplating financial decisions recently and within 48 hours the circumstances had changed significantly. The Lord is so faithful.


Proverbs 31:11 (NKJV)
The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.
I really felt this Scripture accurately describes the relationship Chris and Holly have. I have never met Chris and have only had limited relationship with Holly through social media. I have nothing but the impression of the Lord to base the decision to include this Scripture in the painting. She is a godly woman, fully trusting God and being trustworthy with her husband. I believe that with my whole heart. It is core to this family that Holly is who God says she is… She models this well.


Acts 20:34 (NKJV)
Yes, you yourselves know that these hands have provided for my necessities, and for those who were with me.
This Scriptures graces the breast of the paler under-tunic just above the hands. It seemed so beautifully appropriate to acknowledge that “These Hands, the Lord’s Hands, have provided for my necessities and for those who were with me.”


Hebrews 11:40 (NKJV)
God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us.


There is provision in the waiting. The Hall of Faith in Hebrews 11 accounts to us the stories of God’s faithful servants who pursued His promises but never fully received them. And, in this concluding verse of that grand chapter He promises us something as well… They will not be made complete, will not receive the promise in full without us. Glory, come quickly Lord Jesus!


And then Holly’s passage from which all else has been inspired:
Philippians 4:19 (AMP)
And my God will liberally supply (fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.


And it is our testimony that our God does do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ask think or imagine.


The final elements of the painting are the name of God Jehovah Jireh written both in Hebrew and English and a traditional Jewish Blessing that welcomes new seasons. I wanted a meal blessing for the painting, but found this and knew it would be the blessing for Chris and Holly, as they receive this painting into their home.

Blessed are You, O Lord, Our God, King of the Universe, Who has kept us in this life, And preserved us to reach this season. 



Indeed we are blessed to serve the One True God who is blessed that we may also blessed. One translation for the word Greek and Hebrew words for blessed is happy. I think of that as I invite you to join us in this journey of faith.


A few months ago I met a woman who shared with me that when I paint a painting inspired by the Lord, that the anointing on me at the time of the painting and in the atmosphere is also in the representation (photos or prints) of the painting. The anointing for this painting is the transition that occurs in our lives when we embrace who God is as Jehovah Jireh. When we recognize He has the ability to provide for us both naturally and supernaturally if we will only trust Him for our daily needs – all of them. If you need this revelation in your life, I encourage you to visit my gallery at FINE ART AMERICA and purchase a print.


In my 2008 study of this name of God I shared the following which speaks to me so of the heart of this painting and journey I have endeavored and pursued with Chris and Holly this last year.

I also want to make the point that in the Hebrew translations that I consulted, the term yireh is specifically related to the fact that God is seen by Abraham. It is the seeing that is important, the perception of God that Abraham came away with. I evaluated copies of the Pentateuch and the entire translation of the Hebrew text for the Old Testament in two different translations found that the translation was the same, the terms Yireh or Jireh indicates that the Lord is seen, not an emphasis on the provision but the Lord who is seen through it. That is why Abraham called that mountain – On the mountain of the Lord, He will be seen. (loose paraphrase) (From Hebrew Names of God Study at michellebentham.org 



If you have a testimony of the Lord’s provision and glory revealed in your own life. Please leave the story in a comment to this post.

MichelleMichelle is a wife and mother who has experienced the healing power of God in so many ways. Most significantly in her own grief after the death of her son in 2005. As a gifted artist, radio show host and communicator Michelle remains passionate about helping others, especially women of all ages, connect with God’s heart through creative expression.

You can find more information about Michelle and her gifts here:

Twitter: @michellebentham
Facebook Pages:
Michelle Bentham | Inspired Artist and Communicator
Blooming Inspiration Online
Websites:
www.michellebenthamcreates.org
www.bloominginspirationradio.com

Visit http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/1-michelle-bentham.html

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A Journey of Faith | Timing and The Lord’s Provision

image_1353954111347365

This is a journey story–in a few parts!  It began a year and a half ago with my friend, Michelle.  Having reached the end of bankruptcy, Chris and I (Holly) felt that God was showing us that the time had come for us to walk with our heads up–no shame–for a new season was upon us.  And OH, the lessons we have learned about God’s provision!!  The stories would fill pages and pages.

Today, I would like to introduce to you Michelle Bentham.  Michelle is an inspired artist, and she has designed and painted a work of art to represent our journey (pictured below).  Here’s Michelle…


“The Lord’s Provision” Original Mixed Media/Acrylic on Canvas size 30×40.
Scripture Philippians 4:19
I completed this painting as we prepared our hearts for Thanksgiving this year. Painting took a back seat this year to leaving a full time job in vocational ministry at a church and launching a new online radio program. In many ways my journey with the Lord’s Provision mirrors the growth in my faith in Jehovah Jireh, my Lord who sees to my every need.


Still, this story begins before the first pencil stroke pressed itself out on a page. My husband and I have spent years struggling financially, starting out behind the 8-ball so to speak. When we met in 1997 we had five children ranging from three to nine years in age. Two oldest boys, two youngest girls and my middle child, also a girl in the middle of the alphas and the babies.


Having a long history of legally financial issues, I worked hard to make our extremely inadequate budget work with a child support payment, house payment and the many other requirements that come with raising a blended family with five children.


I worked off and on throughout the years as our kids grew up, and for some reason we always seemed to manage with a little help from our parents and God, Himself. We walked our way through a bankruptcy filing, “robbing Peter to pay Paul,” and many other sorts of Creative Financing. Even taking a turn through Financial Peace University.


God rocked our boat a bit in 2007 when He moved our hearts to leave my part time job and our secure place in a small rural church for something unknown in a larger environment. Scott and I began to explore what leaving would look like and felt strongly called to a growing young body in Southlake, Texas. You may have heard of it as it has gone from around 10,000 members to just under 20,000 in the last five years. It is a fast growing, visionary church that values people and God’s ability to transform and use any life.


I began to check out things online including a page on the website called “Job Opportunities.” I even applied for a position and eventually interviewed. Scott and I made our decision in the interim. We would move our membership to Gateway. I remember the Saturday before our final weekend of transition. We returned home from our Saturday evening Gateway service to prepare for the Sunday morning service at our previous church. I opened the mailbox and removed a letter in a Gateway envelope.


I walked quietly into the house and retreated to our master bath where I hastily ripped open the envelope and read the nicest rejection letter one could ever hope to receive. “We regret to inform you that we offered the position to someone better suited for its responsibilities.” In other words, we did not think you were a right fit for this position.


Panic gripped my heart as I considered what they could have learned, what about my life story (and there is a pile of it) had come up that would disqualify me. I reread the letter and peace covered me as I realized the meaning of the words. You are not the person for THAT position.


I presented the letter to my husband who made his way to napping on the couch. He read it slowly as I sat on the arm of the sofa and waited. He looked to me and I noticed a hesitation in his eyes. “I-I’m sorry?’


“More than that, what should we do now? Do we go back to our old church or do we continue to move forward? I mean this really changes things.”


He nodded and pulled his chin to his chest. I observed the mannerisms of my husband when in reflective consideration only a handful of times. This time I knew he was weighing the matter carefully. He smiled and spoke a single word of release. “Forward.”


We set about making plans for the transition since I would not have the income we had come to rely on for our monthly budget. Our choices: sell one vehicle, move to a smaller house where the rent payment would be less expensive and required us to clean the house so it would be inhabitable, and tighten the belt. May I add, Scott did not take the first two items on our list as well as I did, and I on the other hand did not fair so well at the last one. I never have been good at asking “Mr. Budget” or even considering much beyond the immediate need or desire.


Life would change significantly over the next two years. It also meant giving up our dream of buying the home we had come to love in the year we had lived there. Certain of God’s call we moved forward and made the painful cuts.


We landed at Gateway and Scott began to blend into the background and learn to breathe in a church environment. Something I had not really given him the chance to do in our previous leadership roles. I volunteered “us” many times without asking him. I immediately signed up to lead a small group. It was in my wheel-house and the leadership of the church called for it from the pulpit each week that August.


No one came to my group – I only received one call inquiring about it and she indicated the time and day were not convenient for her. I signed up for a couple of groups, engaged the inner healing ministry and inquired of the Lord. “What should I do now?”


Habakkuk 2:2-3 came to me immediately, write the vision and make it plain.


So I started a blog, joined a readers and writers group at church and dove into what I felt the Lord wanted me to do. I wrote my heart out for nearly two years. I recovered from grief over the death of my son. I even weathered a particularly difficult season working through some marital issues that threatened to dissolve our union, if you know what I mean.


In July 2008 our financial struggles were weighing on me. My husband seemed distant and unhappy and I felt like I scrambled every payday just to make ends meet. I lay in bed one morning running the financial calculator of my mind and I arrived at a number. Five figures danced in my head like a taunting bully threatening to undo me on a whim. I began to pray aloud. “Lord, I need a job. Any job. I need $XX,XXX today. I can’t wait. I’m going out to find it.”


As soon as that last sentence came out of my mouth the Holy Spirit began to massage my heart and I heard my Daddy God whisper ever so quietly in my mind. “You have not asked Me about that yet.”


In my dramatic, oldest child-rebel fashion I rolled my eyes and gave God the heavy sigh. “Okay! I’m asking…”


NOTHING…


The silence not only confused me, it also made me question what to do next. I had no peace about moving forward looking for a job so I resolved to wait until I heard the Lord say move. Over the next few months I would see God move in miraculous ways to help us recover in finances and He threw in saving my marriage while He was at it.


Spring 2009 I began to regularly volunteer in the office for Freedom Ministries at Gateway Church. I had gotten to know the oversight pastor for Freedom Groups well by leading a “Freedom Group.” It only seemed natural to come into the office on a regular basis and help out with the routine responsibilities that needed to be done. I got to know other staff members and within a few weeks both the administrative assistant and pastor I served began to ask me questions that suggested they might want to offer me a job. I didn’t know if they would so I prayed. I hoped. And, I kept it to myself.


By the first of June I was asked if I would like to apply for the position of administration assistant to the pastor I had been serving under in Freedom Ministries. I asked them if I could talk to my husband and pray about it. And within a few days I knew I would get the job. I emailed the assistant: I would like to be considered for your position.
 


In the midst of this glorious news we found out our landlord wanted to buy us out of our lease and they were willing to take us to court to break the lease. In the midst of this great opportunity we found ourselves homeless. We moved in with family for a few weeks while we found a new home, and decided to enter the home buying market. We found a house that we thought would do, and leased it with the intention of buying it within a year. Our solution to a homeless problem, but I had already realized there might be major structural problems with this home. I would later also recognize that God indeed had other plans for our housing problem. I did not have a clue at the time, but He had them just the same.


After three interviews I received the job offer by email. The position being vacated had been held by an employee who had been on staff for five years. The salary available was higher than what had been indicated when I spoke to human resources about the details of the position. The offer was exactly the figure I had told God I needed in a yearly salary REMEMBER: $XX,XXX PLUS a TITHE. I wept at the revelation. I began work at Gateway Church July 19, 2009. Almost one year from the day I had told God I needed a job and two years from the date we transitioned from our old church to Gateway.


The Lord shall supply liberally and abundantly, beyond your wildest dreams or imagination, all your needs according to His glorious and abundant riches in His Son, Christ Jesus. AMEN. (My paraphrase of Philippians 4:19 AMP)


To be continued…

MichelleMichelle is a wife and mother who has experienced the healing power of God in so many ways. Most significantly in her own grief after the death of her son in 2005. As a gifted artist, radio show host and communicator Michelle remains passionate about helping others, especially women of all ages, connect with God’s heart through creative expression.

You can find more information about Michelle and her gifts here:

Twitter: @michellebentham
Facebook Pages:
Michelle Bentham | Inspired Artist and Communicator
Blooming Inspiration Online
Websites:
www.michellebenthamcreates.org
www.bloominginspirationradio.com

Visit http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/1-michelle-bentham.html

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How a Hobby Can Make Dreams Come True

How a Hobby Can Make Your Dreams Come True

If you have a hobby, what if that hobby could turn into something really big and change the course of your family?   As moms, we make excuses and listen to those lies all too often.  And, sometimes we hide behind our family because it’s easier than facing our fears.  Fear of making that hobby something bigger can sometimes get in your way.  You never know what taking that leap of faith can do for your future.

I’d do it for free.  Truly.  Ask my husband and he’d tell you the same thing.  I love what I do and even if I didn’t get paid, I’d still do it.  It’s a hobby that turned into a career.  Let me explain…

My best friend’s husband bought P90X and had a great transformation.  The P90X company asked them to be Founding Coaches (representatives of the company who could earn off their sales of P90X).  My best friend asked me if I wanted to join them and I said “no”.  I’d been approached by tons of companies to “sell things” and I didn’t want to.  A few months later, she told me about how the company gave free customers so I listened again.  I knew I needed some accountability for my health, as I didn’t want to continue the legacy of diabetes in my family.  If I could earn a little money, too…that’d be great.

And so my hobby began.  Working out to Beachbody products, helping others join my health journey, meeting amazing people, and earning some pretty good money.  My cup was overflowing.  Then, it happened…we began to dream for the first time in our marriage.  Possibilities became realities.  The income I was receiving opened up new doors we had never expected.

I remember sitting in the car asking my husband, “If you could do anything, what would you do?”  (Again, a conversation that never would have happened before I started my hobby.)  “I’d work for Compassion International,” he said.  Two weeks later, Compassion called and the interview process began.  Really.  True story.

Weeks went by and an offer was on the table.  Take it, right?  Well…God didn’t give Jeffrey a peace at that time so he declined.  He told me, “If it’s meant to be, God will bring it back around.”  Yeah, right…like it’ll come back around.

The following May, Compassion called again and the interview process began again.  That September, Jeffrey left his CIO Position with owning 5% of the company in 4 years, to working in IT for Compassion.  2/3 pay?  Sure!  Because my hobby was matching his new salary.

Obviously, I did treat my hobby like a business but if you peel it back…it still is a hobby to me.  I’m still a stay at home mom and get to be with my kids.  Not only has my hobby grown 2.5 times since we’ve been in Colorado, it has allowed us to travel, buy a house, pay for a remodel of that house, and have a substantial savings for the first time in our married life.  My hobby has relieved stress from my husband to be the sole bread winner of our house…which is a huge gift.

But, what my hobby has done more importantly is allowed us to dream!  Dream for our future.  Dream things that only God could put in our minds.

It may be time for you to turn that hobby into more.  It might be hard.  You might be scared.  You might fall and have to get back up.  I believe God wants us to grow and dream. Are you ready?

 “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” James 1:2-4

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More Joy in One Ordinary Day

Oak Tree in Field

While reading The Message Bible, this verse that struck me as, “YES, THAT’S IT! That is exactly how I feel”

“Why is everyone hungry for more? ‘More, More,’ they say, ‘More, more.’ I have God’s more-than-enough, more joy in one ordinary day.” Psalm 4:6-7 The Message

And it is so.

One year, about 7 years ago, nearly every gift I received had the word, “JOY” written on it. I really don’t know why. Was it something I lacked? Was it something I possessed? At the time, I pondered what the message meant to me.

As I think back upon it, I think the message meant that JOY was, is and will be God’s purpose for me. It is His purpose for you, as well.

 

The thing about JOY is this: it alters the outcome of a regular journey and impacts it in such a positive way that there must be an overflow somewhere to contain the whole of it. Joy fills and it also overspills. Joy impacts.



What if my choice for JOY changes the outcome of an otherwise difficult pathway?  It does. It will. I have tested this one over and over.

You may know me somewhat, or well or not at all. In my life, I have experienced much good. But also, I have experienced some really bad and really hard things, too (just like everybody). The thing is I don’t LIVE there. I don’t choose to live there nor do I want to live there.

I choose JOY. My default for any and all situations is to find the JOY in it. I must choose to not let feelings get in the way of it. It is the LIFE in those situations. It is the place where time and time again, I have found my Jesus in such a personal and life-altering way. He is the only One, who can take bankruptcy and make it something for which to be thankful.

For when He comes, He is the One infusing Life and infusing Joy and infusing Love and infusing Forgiveness and giving Perspective and Filling me to Fullness. It doesn’t matter your blood-type. His blood is for everyone–a universal Giver is He.

So am I in denial? You might think so. But I know the Truth and time and time and time and again, Truth in Christ has set me free. So I choose Joy.

You might say, well I’m not wired that way. Ask Jesus for a re-wire. Ask Him to come and change the part of you that chooses against Joy.

For another part of my thankfulness over the many hardships we have faced is this–I am still choosing Joy to cover each hardship. The joy of Christ in me is making me complete and full and thankful…and humble.  His Joy in me is changing the outcome.

Are we still in the midst of bankruptcy? Yes, we are. Is it still hard? YES! IT IS! But for some reason, I KNOW we will continue to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit with our heads held high and not in shame. I KNOW that Joy is making all the difference. Beyond the time when our bankruptcy is discharged in early 2012, we shall remember that we were slaves in Egypt, but our God has brought us out with a mighty hand and outstretched arm…and we shall joyfully tell our children and their children of the goodness of our God over our lives and over theirs.

May you choose His JOY, my friends!

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Journey of Provision

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Let me preface this with one thought, this post is meant to teach and invite you into our journey.  You are welcome to hear the story and learn with us.  That is all.  It is not an invitation for solutions.  We have one Solution-Giver.  He holds the answers and we look to Him alone. I hope from the story you will see that our God is not-so-subtle and has a strong streak of humor in him.  I think the humor is what has kept me singing.

In 2008, we knew we were headed for the Perfect Storm.  There was no way around it. It was before us and we were going there. In short, we were without pay for four months in late 2007 through early 2008, which is super-short comparatively.  We sold and “ate” (lived on) our truck. We sought godly financial counsel, who recommended some routes, which turned out to be dead-ends. Finally, he told us our only option was bankruptcy (keeping our home apart from that). He said that as believers in Jesus, we should try to pay back when it was all discharged. And we shall!  That alone makes it an easier solution for me.  I am honest to a fault.  I could this very second rattle off a list of people and the amounts they gave to help us.  I carry it every single day and lay it again with thanksgiving at the foot of the cross.

So we went through it–one of the hardest seasons of my life to date before my dear friend had a stroke early this year, which has also marked my faith in countless ways–I love my friend and am grateful for her life and her wisdom to me today. Bankruptcy was shameful, embarrassing and humbling. With friends like Teresa, who sent me cards every week (sometimes more!) and she still does, to remind me that I am loved and prayed for…I don’t know about you, but there is a lot of LOVE bound up in those cards and a lot of prayer.  Thank you, Teresa. Other friends brought groceries and gifts to our door. Some gave “hilariously”–a car, gift cards and even beautiful get-aways. Some loaned to us, and I pray to pay it all back someday. It is BEAUTIFUL.  It was hard.  And I am humbled, not debased, but I walk with head bowed in thanksgiving much more often than with a strut of pride.

Early this year, we began thinking we would also lose our home. Through miraculous workings (through two unlikely sources–the government home bill and our financial institution), we will not lose our home!  We actually will go to court in the next month to sign papers establishing our new loan(bankruptcy makes everything a bit more difficult). Our bankruptcy will be complete on March 17, 2012. Praise God for that light at the end of our tunnel!! He is our Way-Maker! Then it is my turn, I hope, to bless someone coming behind us in this hard journey and pay it forward.

So lately, my Chris and I have begun to dream again.  Dreaming is good!  We are trying to save, budget and follow good and right ways. Even so, we still live paycheck to paycheck for the most part.  Sometimes, we pinch pennies beyond what is possible.  I know that is the Lord’s provision. Sometimes, we laugh, because once again we feel like college students, learning to handle money for the first time, as displayed also by the ramen noodles. Sometimes, we feel guilty for going away for a night and spending from the little we have. But I know that is not God’s way. He doesn’t teach by guilt–only man does that. So we are learning to rely on what God says and His love–not on the opinions of man.

The other day, I was shopping with a dear friend and she said, “Do you know that you justify everything you buy? You must feel like you are under such scrutiny.” I let out a breath of a laugh and said, “You are absolutely right.” I love a friend like that!  I have turned over her words to me and can think of several reasons why I justify–bankruptcy, scrutiny, living up to people’s expectations, aware of people’s judgement and trying somehow to appease it. It is a default way of thinking, which I am asking the Lord to change in me. It stems from people-pleasing, which is rooted in pride. I am living for an audience of One. I do have accountability.  Oh yes.  It is His faithful Holy Spirit in me that keeps me in step with Him–His checks and balances, if you will. I am like a child learning to walk.

So yesterday, we are driving home from a wonderful away trip to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. And we are broke.  We had $4.31 for the day to eat and enough (cross-your-fingers and pray really hard) gas to drive home. We knew we’d be paid today and other things would be coming in, etc. etc., BUT for yesterday, we had $4.31. And we laughed until we cried–happy tears…thinking, “Here we are again, Lord.”

You see, we don’t have our act together.  We have a blessed family and marriage.  But we do not have it all under control. God knows that!  He laughed with us.  We were in beautiful country. We could sing. We could laugh.  I could crochet a birthday gift. We could take pictures that were astounding. AND we could arrive home to a happy family of four children (and eat when we got home–ha!).

During this time, I saw a bird flying over-head and thought, “He’s lucky.  He doesn’t worry about refilling gasoline. He eats every day.  God makes sure of it.” AS I was thinking this way, God reminded me in my heart, “Holly, rely on me daily.  I watch over the birds.  I WILL WATCH OVER YOU. Trust me, child.” And I do. I do trust Him. I’ve not “arrived” yet, nor are we perfect.  But we are willing to be taught.  And we are humble enough to let God provide through the ways He chooses. I wouldn’t trade any of this story. It is our life. We will walk with a limp straight for the foot of the cross of Jesus, where we daily find freedom and learn how to walk. In Christ, we are free indeed to run this race with JOY! So can you, friends. You need only come to Him and exchange your ugly life-stuff for His more than enough.

With Beauty from my Ashes,

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Jehovah Jireh

31 Days Day 13

Provisions.

Look at this scenario for a minute:

Your small child arises from sleep burning up with a fever. You take one look at her and know that she is sick. You immediately go to the cabinet, grab the medicine, and begin to administer to her what she needs in order to get better. She may not like the taste of it. She may even fight you for a minute, but in the end, she takes it knowing that this medicine is what makes the fever go away.

Do you see any relation to that story in regards to provisions that God makes for us? For some reason we do not see God as Jehovah Jireh–The Lord Provides. We tend to think we can provide on our own whatever needs we may need. We might even turn down God’s provisions or turn our nose up at them because they are not the provisions that we want.

However, God is Jehovah Jireh–The Lord Provides. Just like the little girl taking the medicine, we may not like what God has provided or how He has provided it, but in the end, He provided. That is what He does. He did it for Abraham with the ram. He did it for Moses when he killed Pharoah’s army. He did it for us when He sent Jesus to die for our sins.

God is a Father to us. Like any parent, when you see your child in need, you look at what they are going through and decided if providing for them will help them or hold them back. God may not always provide you what you think you need, but He will provide what He knows you need.

So today, if you are angry with God because He has not given you something you thought you needed–count it joy that He knows what you need better than you do. If He did not provide it, it was because you did not really need it in the first place. Thank Him for providing only the things that will help you grow and mature as a daughter of the King.

Father, my Jehovah Jireh–thank You so much for the provisions You have made for me. Please forgive me for the times I have become angry with You for not giving me what I thought I needed or asked for. I realize Your provisions have always been best for me. Help me to look clearly at the things You allow for me and the things You do not. Help me to trust Your way of providing for me. When money is tight, help me to see the lesson I am to learn. When someone betrays my trust, help me to still see the good in that person. Lord, even though I may never understand why You do not provide some of the things I ask for, help me to trust that You above all else have my best interest at heart. You, Lord, are all the provisions I need. I love you! In Jesus’ precious name, amen.




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Jehovah Jireh, The Lord Will Provide

31 Days Day 3

In the twenty-second chapter of the Book of Genesis, God calls out to Abraham, telling him to take his one and only son, Isaac, whom God had given to Abraham and his wife Sarah in their old age, to the land of Moriah and offer him as a sacrifice. Abraham obeyed God’s command:

When they came to the place of which God had told him, Abraham built the alter there and laid the wood in order and bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then Abraham reached out his hand and took the knife to slaughter his son. But the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, ‘Abraham, Abraham!’ And he said, ‘Here am I.’ He said, ‘Do not lay your hand on the boy, or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.’ And Abraham lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him was a ram, caught in a thicket by his horns. And Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son. Genesis 22: 9-13

Father, You are my Jehovah Jireh. You provide for all of my needs, and I am so thankful. Most of all, You provided, through Your Son, Jesus Christ, the sacrifice who paid the price for the sins of the whole world. Thank You for all of the blessings You have given me – help me to see them, and myself, as You do. You know my needs before I do – give me the strength and the grace necessary to make difficult sacrifices. Give me a heart with the desire to always obey You and to trust in You as my Provider. In the name of my Savior Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.






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