The other day, my husband was sitting at the computer looking at motorcycle stuff. Exhausts….helmets…handlebars…..you name it. Our oldest son saw something he wanted me to see and began with the, “Mom, look! Look!”. Before I could even reply, my husband answered him. She doesn’t care. Our son asked again, and again, before I could reply, my husband chimed in with the same answer- She doesn’t care.
I would have been upset by his refusal to let me answer, but something else stopped my dead in my tracks. The small trace of what I detected as rejection and hurt in my husband’s tone. Honestly, it surprised me. I mean, he is right, I really don’t care about motorcycle stuff, but I guess I thought I had hidden my indifference a little better. I didn’t think my lack of interest mattered to him.
But it did.
While I don’t make motorcycle parts a priority in my life, I should make my husband and his interests, and let’s be straight here, that is a choice sometimes. A choice to remember that when he invites me along to help fill deer feeders with corn or set up game cameras, he is wanting to spend time with me. When he asks me to look at exhaust or handlebars, or when he wants to talk UFC, he is relating to me not as the woman who cooks and cleans for him, but as his friend. Who doesn’t want that from her husband? Isn’t their attention and time things we, as wives, most desperately long for?
Would you like to know something else? Sure you would….
Not only did his reaction surprise me, but it also caused an ache in my heart. A hurt which was a direct result of the knowledge that I had hurt him. I felt bad for it. I was remorseful about it. I don’t want him to think I don’t care about him or his hobbies.
While I don’t see myself climbing aboard the bike anytime soon, I do see a shift in my attitude and my actions about it. I can take the time to stop and share in my husband’s hobbies. I can choose to be interested instead of flippant when he desires to include me in them.
What about you? Are there areas where your husband’s interests have been put on the back burner? Would he echo my husband’s statement that you don’t care? What would his tone tell you?
If the answer is yes, then join me in re-prioritizing today. Join me in esteeming our husbands above others – people, chores and things. Let us each be as intentional about cultivating the friendship we have with our spouse as we would be with new friend from church, work or school.
He is worth the time.
He is worth the effort.
Our marriage will be the better for it.
*To put a disclaimer at the end, if his hobbies (or yours for that matter) are causing marital strife or are not godly in nature, please seek biblical counsel about how to address those situations. Please don’t climb on board with activities that are detrimental to your marriage and yourselves. If you need prayer, let us know.