Praise the Lord, Ladies!
For anyone who needs it I want to encourage you as I encourage myself to have my heart cleansed from the hurts attributed to being afraid to trust YET another up-close girlfriend relationship. Followers of Christ can have both the head and heart knowledge of His Word, a genuine relationship with Him, apply His Word in their daily lives and still have areas of struggle and weakness! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I’m in that place with regards to up-close girlfriend relationships and the ability for me to trust and embrace another person when every fiber of my being is saying no more, not again! I’ve had 4 in my lifetime that have gone south and have left me feeling lonely in that area, angry at times, hurt and as of late the guard-dog on the wall of my heart has resurfaced as a result. Some of you may have had this experience or may be living it now.
I have three brothers (one is deceased) and I never had sisters. As a child it didn’t matter but into my twenties I began to long for God to fill that void. I have two daughters and two granddaughters and I adore my hubby. We have girls all around us but still I find myself desiring an up-close sister-friendship that is two-sided, loving, open, honest and Christ centered.
Let me take you back briefly…
As a child I was violated for many years by someone I should have been safe with and I was disbelieved by someone (his spouse) that I should have been able to trust and be safe with as well. This brought about years of pain, shame, guilt, insecurity, FEARS, confusion, anger, hurt, secrets and secret-sins. It was years before I could even embrace GOD as my Abba Father and Jesus as my LORD. I knew Him as my Savior but not my Lord for a long time.
When you’ve been violated it’s not easy to TRUST anyone at any time for any reason until you surrender it fully to Christ and receive healing unto wholeness. I am so thankful for the love of my grandparents who were the ones who showed Christ to me in my life growing up. Had they not been in my life I’d not be the child of God I am today!
As years went by I have received healing and grace through Jesus and I’m so thankful to Him –resting in His presence, gleaning from His Word, spending loads of time in prayer as I walked with Him has blessed my life immensely. As such I have had four up-close Christian girlfriend relationships in my life where I have told the guard dog of my heart to go lie down. I’ve allowed those persons into my heart and my family and have loved them fully. Prayed for them diligently, spoken the Word into their lives, loved and laughed—being open to whatever GOD wanted the friendship to be—having no expectations other than we’d love each other in Christ.
Sadly two betrayed (1998 and 2003), one abandoned (2002) and in very recent times one really used me for her spiritual needs (prayer and biblical support etc.). This last friendship most especially hurt because it had been so long since I opened my heart to a close friendship. All I can say to you is that in my 44.5 years there is one thing I know for sure and that is love is an action word and it can’t be one-way if it’s to work in Christ. Love sustains even through the hurts but love is definitely NOT meant to be one-sided.
As of late it has become considerably difficult to tell the guard dog of my heart to go lie down while I allow another person up-close. I know many ladies. The call of God on my life has had me in a place of ministering to women for years. I enjoy praying for them, encouraging them in the Word, getting together at events BUT the guard-dog is on the wall of my heart ready to keep me safe. Our church group is coming to a close on “Breaking Free” by Beth Moore and it’s been a time of prayer, tears, revelation, wisdom, and laying some things down (trust/friendships and emotional reactions to hurts) that have gripped me for years. Galatians 5:1 has become a DAILY Word: Galatians 5:1 (NIV) It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Then last week I won a book giveaway. What is the title? “Friendships for Grown-Ups” by Lisa Whelchel and I am on page 34. That’s a message for another time.
Often we don’t want to talk about those areas of hurt because we’re afraid of being vulnerable, misunderstood, talked about or rejected but as a child of God and a Servant-Leader by His Grace, GOD has always used my life as an open book so that others could also get to His feet and receive the healing unto wholeness they need. Join me in the journey of true wholeness at the feet of Jesus. We’ll grab hands and go to His feet together. We can fully trust His love and care for us. I love what He told Martha in Luke 10:41-42 (NIV) “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” So let’s do the same by resting at His feet; choosing what is better!
I’m praying for you and whatever areas of heart cleansing you need to open and expose in the light of Christ. Thank you for praying for me.